Life Strategies Part 5
Stop Treating Change Like a Hobby
Most people approach life change like they approach learning to play the guitar—they buy the instrument, play a few chords when motivated, then let it gather dust in the corner. Six months later, they wonder why they’re not concert-ready.
Implementing Dr Phil’s Life Laws isn’t just a weekend workshop or a month-long challenge. It’s a complete system upgrade for your life. And like any major upgrade, it demands commitment, not just curiosity.
Week 1: The Reality Audit (Laws 1, 4, 6)
Mission: Get brutally honest about where you are right now.
Day 1-2: The “Get It” Assessment
- Write down three situations where you consistently struggle
- For each situation, ask: “What amn’t I understanding here?”
- Find someone who succeeds in these areas and study their approach
Day 3-4: The Denial Detective Work
- List five things about your life you’ve been avoiding or minimising
- Ask yourself: “If my best friend had my exact life, what would I tell them?”
- Record the gap between what you tell others about your life versus your private reality
Day 5-7: The Perception Inventory
- Track your automatic interpretations for three days
- When something bothers you, write down three alternative ways to view it
- Notice which filter you habitually use (victim, hero, critic, optimist, pessimist)
For example, Tom always felt overlooked at work meetings. A reality audit revealed that he sat in the back, never spoke unless directly asked, and avoided eye contact with the boss. His perception filter: “Nobody values my input.” Alternative perception: “I haven’t given anyone a chance to value my input.”
Week 2: The Accountability Revolution (Laws 2, 3, 5)
Mission: Take the driver’s seat in your life.
Day 8-10: The Payoff Investigation
- Choose one self-defeating behaviour you want to change
- Spend three days documenting every time you do it and what you get out of it
- Design alternative behaviours that provide better payoffs
Day 11-14: The Action Activation
- Set one specific goal you can accomplish this week
- Break it into daily actions
- Do something toward this goal every single day, even if it’s just for 10 minutes
- Measure yourself by what you DID, not what you intended
For instance, Lisa complained about being out of shape but never exercised. Payoff investigation revealed: Complaining gained her sympathy and attention, being “too busy” made her feel important, and staying unfit meant no pressure to maintain results. New payoff system: 20-minute daily walks earned her podcast listening time (something she loved but felt guilty about).
Week 3: The Relationship Reset (Laws 8, 9)
Mission: Change how you show up in relationships.
Day 15-17: The Teaching Assessment
- Identify one person who treats you poorly
- List what you do that makes this treatment “work” for them
- Plan new responses that don’t reward their negative behaviour
Day 18-21: The Forgiveness Project
- Identify one resentment you’re carrying
- Write a letter you’ll never send, expressing all your anger
- Then write another letter from the perspective of your future self who’s moved on
- Choose to forgive for YOUR freedom, not their absolution
Consider David, whose mother criticised everything he did. Teaching assessment revealed that he continued to call her with updates about his life, providing her with ammunition. He began sharing only positive achievements and changing the subject when she became critical. She initially increased her criticism, then gradually realised that negative comments didn’t trigger the lengthy, defensive conversations she was used to.
Week 4: The Strategic Planning (Laws 7,10)
Mission: Create your ongoing life management system.
Day 22-24: The Life Manager Performance Review
- Evaluate yourself as your own life manager
- Identify areas where you’re underperforming
- Create systems for daily life management
Day 25-28: The Naming and Claiming Process
- Get specific about what you want in each life area
- Create measurable goals with deadlines
- Identify the first three steps toward each goal
- Set up accountability systems
For example, instead of simply wanting a “better work-life balance,” Jennifer specified it: “Leave work by 6 PM four days per week, have one weekend day completely work-free, and take a proper lunch break three times per week.” Clear goals led to specific strategies and measurable progress.
The Obstacle Course: What Will Try to Stop You
Week 1 Obstacles: Decision fatigue from too much self-awareness at once
Solution: Focus on observation, not change. Just notice patterns without judgment.
Week 2 Obstacles: Fear of taking action, perfectionism paralysis
Solution: Embrace “good enough” action over perfect inaction. B+ effort that happens beats A+ planning that doesn’t.
Week 3 Obstacles: Relationship chaos as others resist your changes
Solution: Stay consistent despite pushback. Most people will eventually adjust to your new boundaries.
Week 4 Obstacles: Overwhelm from seeing how much still needs to change
Solution: Celebrate progress, not perfection. You’re building a lifestyle, not completing a project.
The 30-Day Success Metrics
How to know if it’s working:
Internal Changes:
- Less victim language in your thoughts and conversations
- Faster decision-making and less second-guessing
- More energy (because you’re not wasting it on resentment and denial)
- Clearer sense of what you actually want
External Changes:
- Others commenting that you seem different (usually with a mix of admiration and confusion)
- Some relationships are improving, others are ending or becoming more distant
- Concrete progress on at least one specific goal
- Less drama and crisis in your daily life
Beyond the 30 Days: Making It Stick
The Life Laws aren’t a quick fix—they’re a new way of operating. After your initial 30-day implementation:
- Monthly Reviews: Assess which laws you consistently implement and which ones require further attention.
- Quarterly Upgrades: Focus on one relationship or area of life for intensive development.
- Annual Strategy Sessions: Reflect on your progress and tailor your goals according to what you’ve discovered about yourself.
The Warning Label
Implementing these Life Laws will transform you. You will become less tolerant of dysfunction, drama, and disrespect. You will expect more from yourself and others. You will prioritise results over excuses. Some people won’t like the new you. That’s not your problem—that’s information about who was really in your corner and who was enjoying the show.
Final post coming next: How to maintain your new life operating system when the world keeps trying to reinstall your old programming.