Have you considered how your chosen words can shape your relationships and define your success? At Rudder4Life, we often emphasise how our values shape our self-motivation, ultimately influencing our relationships and success. A crucial aspect of building strong relationships is mindful communication. We recently came across an image by Elaheh Bos at Plant Love Grow that perfectly illustrates this concept. It’s a visual guide to the “filters” we should use before speaking. Let’s explore the what, why, and how of these filters and how they align with our Rudder4Success Personal Development Framework (PDF).
The image presents a head with a series of filters representing questions we should ask ourselves before verbalising our thoughts. Let’s consider a few situations where these filters can be applied. For instance, when a friend has made a mistake at work and feels down about it or a family member struggles with a personal issue. Starting from the top, where the ‘first thing that comes to mind’ enters, the filters are:
- Judgment: Do my words need filtering? Before speaking to my friend, I need to assess my words. Instead of blurting out something harsh about their mistake, I can filter my response to be more constructive.
- Intention: Am I saying this to hurt the other person? My intention should be to support my friends rather than criticise them. A comment like “You always mess things up” isn’t helpful and could deepen their feelings of inadequacy.
- Choice: Is this something that needs to be said? It might be better to focus on encouragement rather than pointing out what happened in this situation. It’s important to choose my words carefully and prioritise support.
- Compassion: Can I try to understand how the other person feels? Recognising that my friend is likely embarrassed or defeated allows me to approach the conversation kindly. I can show compassion by acknowledging their feelings before discussing the mistake.
- Empathy: Can I try to see what happened through the other person’s point of view? Instead of judging my friend’s actions, I can try to understand why the mistake occurred. Perhaps they were overwhelmed or lacked support, which helped me understand their situation better and respond empathetically.
- Tact: Will this embarrass the other person? Is there a better way/time/place to say this? I should choose a private moment to talk with my friends, ensuring they feel safe expressing themselves without the pressure of others. This way, I can discuss the issue without causing further embarrassment.
- Respect: Are my words respectful? How would I feel if someone said this to me? I should ensure my words reflect respect for my friend’s situation. I wouldn’t want to be harsh in their position, so I should frame my comments positively and supportively.
- Listening: Did I listen properly? Did I give the other person a chance to explain or apologise? Finally, it’s crucial to listen to my friend. Giving them space to share their feelings and thoughts shows that I care about their perspective, fostering a more open and honest conversation.
By applying these principles, I can effectively support my friend, help them learn from their mistakes, and significantly strengthen our relationship.
Why bother filtering our words? Because words have power. They can build bridges or burn them. They can inspire or destroy. As the Rudder4Success PDF suggests, positive behaviour improves the quality of your relationships. When we speak without thinking, we risk damaging relationships, creating misunderstandings, and promoting negativity. Not using these filters can lead to hurt feelings, damaged relationships, and missed opportunities for connection. Filtering our words is an act of self-awareness and consideration for others. It is an application of emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as understand and influence the feelings of others.
Think of your words like toothpaste. Once they’re out of the tube, it’s hard to put them back in. Similarly, hurtful or thoughtless words can’t be unsaid once they are spoken. The damage is done, and it’s a reminder of the importance of choosing our words with care.
Implementing these filters requires practice and conscious effort. Here’s how you can integrate them into your daily life:
- Pause and Reflect: Before speaking, take a moment to pause. This pause is your opportunity to run your thoughts through the filters.
- Ask the Questions: Consciously ask yourself each question in the filter list.
- Practice Empathy: See the situation from the other person’s perspective. This is where empathy becomes crucial. As we teach in Rudder4Success, understanding others encourages better relationships.
- Choose Your Words Wisely: Select respectful, kind, and considerate words.
- Listen Actively: Ensure you’ve genuinely heard and understood the other person before responding. This validates their feelings and demonstrates respect.
- Consider Your Intention: Always check your intention. Are you speaking to help, to understand, or to connect genuinely?
The “filters” align perfectly with the Rudder4Success PDF. By choosing respectful and considerate words, you’re acting by your values. This strengthens your self-motivation to maintain positive relationships. Healthy relationships boost your self-esteem, leading to more positive behaviours and tremendous success.
As discussed above, a friend shared a setback they experienced. Your initial thought might be to offer a quick, dismissive solution. But by using the filters—considering your intention, practising compassion, and ensuring your words are respectful—you might provide a listening ear and words of encouragement instead. This strengthens your friendship and reinforces your value of empathy, thereby driving your motivation to become a better friend and a better version of yourself.
Inspired by Elaheh Bos at Plant Love Grow’s insightful image, let’s use these filters before speaking. By pausing, reflecting, and choosing our words wisely, we can nurture more meaningful connections, strengthen our relationships, and live more in alignment with our values. At Rudder4Life, this practice is a cornerstone of personal development and a key to unlocking your full potential. Start filtering your words today and watch how they transform your relationships and life! I encourage you to start applying these filters in your daily conversations and see the positive impact they can have on your relationships.
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