What if the person you aspire to be is within your reach, but something keeps pulling you back? We all dream of who we wish to become. We promise to be more patient, eat better, and listen more deeply. But often, those promises drift away, like sand slipping through fingers. In “Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts—Becoming the Person You Want to Be,” Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter expose the invisible forces that pull us back and offer a way to hold on to lasting change.
Why Do We Keep Falling Short?
Change is a quiet battle. It’s not a loud and obvious war, but a series of skirmishes in the small moments—when we bite back a sharp word, choose water over wine, and pause instead of reacting. Yet, so often, we find ourselves on the losing end of these battles.
Why? Goldsmith says it’s not because we’re lazy or weak but because we’re surrounded by silent saboteurs: triggers. These little nudges from our environment push us back into old patterns. It is a stressful day that ends with junk food. A problematic conversation that ends in anger. Like waves eroding a stone, these triggers wear down our resolve.
Why Is Change So Hard to Hold?
It’s not just the world around us; it’s the stories we tell ourselves. We believe we’re strong enough to resist temptation. We think we can change without effort. We tell ourselves, “Tomorrow, I’ll be better.” But tomorrow comes, and we are the same.
Goldsmith reminds us that change is not a moment of bravery but a constant choice. Our environments—our routines, relationships, even the rooms we sit in—often pull us back into who we were, not who we wanted to be.
How Do We Win the Battle for Change?
- Name Your Triggers: Change begins with awareness. What moments trip you up? What people or places tempt you to slip? Think about when you reach for unhealthy snacks after a long day at work. Identify post-work fatigue as a trigger. By recognising it, you can prepare healthier options in advance or find alternative activities to redirect that urge. Naming these triggers gives you the power to overcome them.
- Ask the Right Questions: Swap vague promises for sharp, active questions. Instead of saying, “I’ll be a better listener,” ask, “Did I do my best to truly hear someone today?” Or, instead of saying, “I want to be more organised,” ask yourself, “Did I take 10 minutes today to tidy my workspace?” This question forces you to focus on actionable steps rather than vague intentions.
- Build Structures, Not Just Hopes: Willpower fades, but habits hold firm. Create anchors—check-ins with a friend, daily reflections, written goals—that keep you steady when motivation slips. If you want to read more, set a daily reminder to read for at least 15 minutes before bed. You can also join a book club for accountability or keep a reading log to track your progress, creating a structure around your reading goal.
- Pause and Breathe: Before you react, stop. Ask, “Will this choice move me closer to who I want to be?” When faced with a stressful decision at work, instead of responding impulsively to an email that frustrates you, take a deep breath and ask, “Will replying hastily help me resolve this issue?” This moment of reflection can prevent escalation and promote a more thoughtful response. That breath can turn a trigger into a triumph.
- Embrace Imperfection: Remember, perfection isn’t the goal—progress is. You will stumble, but every step back is a chance to step forward with more wisdom. If you’re working on a fitness goal and miss a workout, instead of feeling defeated, acknowledge that it’s okay to stumble. Focus on what you can do the next day, like walking or working at home. Each setback can teach you something valuable about your routine and resilience. Embracing this truth can bring a sense of reassurance in your journey of change.
Goldsmith’s truth is simple and challenging: You cannot coast into becoming better. You must choose it again and again. Change is a garden that needs daily tending, a fire that needs constant feeding. But if you show up and stay, you’ll find that the person you long to be is not so far away.
Because real change isn’t about who you dream of becoming—it’s about the small, brave choices you make today.
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