Are you happier because of what you own, or could your possessions weigh you down? Imagine life as a journey where you constantly drag a heavy backpack filled with everything you possess. In a society that often equates value with material wealth—such as houses, cars, and accolades—it might seem that the more you accumulate, the more fulfilled you should be. However, what if this growing collection of items leaves you feeling hunched over and exhausted rather than joyful? Erich Fromm challenges this familiar narrative in his thought-provoking book “To Have or To Be?”. He presents an alternative vision for living that emphasises a lighter, freer, and more meaningful existence, inviting us to critically examine our societal values.
Imagine being promised a golden ticket to happiness, supposedly offering freedom and joy through material wealth. This promise, which Fromm critiques as ‘The Great Promise,’ suggests that technological and economic advancements will liberate humanity from suffering. It’s the belief that with each new gadget, each increase in income, we are moving closer to a utopian state of perpetual happiness. While modern conveniences have indeed improved our basic living standards, they have yet to deliver the happiness we believed was guaranteed. Instead, society has become a factory of ‘lonely, anxious, and depressed’ individuals, trapped not by scarcity but by an excess of possessions. It’s similar to buying a treadmill hoping to reach a destination, only to discover that you’re merely running in place.
In today’s world, the belief in egoism—where ‘I am more the more I have’—has become as pervasive as oxygen, underpinning our societal values. This mindset fuels a cycle of desire where satisfaction is fleeting. Imagine a hamster on a wheel; no matter how fast it runs, it remains stuck in the same spot. Similarly, our relentless quest for more possessions leads to an insatiable desire to acquire rather than appreciate what we already own. The core issue lies in how we measure success; we assess it based on what we have rather than who we are. This belief causes a relentless cycle, compelling us to gather more possessions to validate our identities. Just as a plant bends towards sunlight, individuals in a “having” society gravitate towards wealth and material goods, convinced these will bring happiness. Yet, this pursuit often leads to greed, as the desire for more becomes insatiable. The more one possesses, the more one wants, resulting in an endless chase for material wealth, ultimately leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and anxious.
So, the focus on “having” breeds greed and grows selfishness. In a world where personal success takes precedence over social responsibility, individuals often become less inclined to share or consider the needs of others. Fromm emphasises that this egoistic behaviour is reinforced by societal structures that reward individual accumulation over communal well-being. Like a competitive race where only individual winners are celebrated, this mindset promotes an environment where collaboration and empathy are overshadowed by the desire to outshine one another.
Moreover, the consequences of this “having” orientation extend beyond individual behaviours; they permeate societal structures and relationships. As people become more focused on acquiring possessions, they neglect deeper connections with others and themselves. The result is a society filled with loneliness and discontent, where individuals are trapped in a consumption cycle without genuine fulfilment. As a result, many individuals become “lonely, anxious, depressed” as their identities become intertwined with their possessions rather than their true selves.
Fromm introduces us to two modes of existence: ‘having’ and ‘being.’ The former pertains to ownership—possessing things and allowing them to define us. In contrast, ‘being’ is about fully and authentically experiencing life. It involves living in the present moment, appreciating what we have, and connecting with others and the world around us. For instance, buying a new car puts us in ‘having’ mode, as our focus shifts to possession and status. Conversely, enjoying a leisurely walk in the park, having a heartfelt conversation with a friend, or immersing ourselves in a hobby allows us to be present and savour life’s simple pleasures without needing to possess them. The essential lesson here is straightforward yet profound: true joy arises not from owning or conquering but from experiencing and connecting.
The impact of these modes stretches into our everyday interactions. Engaging in learning or conversations from a ‘having’ perspective can leave us feeling unfulfilled, similar to fast food—quick but lacking nourishment. In contrast, engaging from a ‘being’ standpoint facilitates richer experiences and genuine understanding, much like enjoying a home-cooked meal that nourishes both body and soul.
We often admire those who bravely let go of their possessions for authenticity. These individuals serve as inspiring examples of courage, encouraging us to break free from our constraints. However, fear keeps us tied to our belongings; we equate loss with identity. This fear poses a significant barrier to embracing the ‘being’ mode. Fromm reminds us that while we idolise these heroes for their bravery, we must also confront the insecurities that hold us back from venturing into the unknown.
Fromm sharply encapsulates this dilemma with the question: “If I am what I have and if what I have is lost, who then am I?” This inquiry reveals how deeply intertwined our identities are with our possessions. As we accumulate wealth and status, greed inevitably creeps in—a toxic byproduct of defining ourselves by what we own instead of who we are. This greedy nature is a cautionary tale, urging us to reassess our relationship with possessions and reconsider our understanding of true identity.
However, Fromm doesn’t just critique; he also proposes solutions. He envisions a society where consumption is sane, propaganda is curbed, and income inequality is addressed. Above all, he advocates for a cultural shift where we value people for their inner qualities rather than their outer trappings. It’s like redesigning a house, not by piling on more furniture but by opening windows to let in fresh air and light.
So, how can we as individuals begin to transition from “having” to “being”? Fromm offers practical insights:
- Reframe your language: Replace phrases like “I have a problem” with “I’m facing a challenge.” This subtle shift emphasises process and growth over static ownership.
- Practice appreciation: Try enjoying things—art, nature, moments—without the compulsion to possess them. Visit a museum not to take a picture but to take in the beauty.
- Cultivate inner confidence: Invest in developing who you are rather than what you own. Pursue activities that nourish your soul, whether learning a skill, helping others, or simply reflecting quietly.
In conclusion, Erich Fromm’s “To Have or To Be?” challenges us to reassess our values and priorities in life. It is a clarion call to rediscover the art of living. It reminds us that life is not a shopping spree but a canvas for expressing our most authentic selves. By shifting our focus from accumulation to appreciation, possession to presence, we can lighten our backpacks and walk life’s journey upright and free. Thus, moving our focus from having to being can help us build deeper connections with ourselves and others, leading to a more meaningful existence. This shift is a personal choice and a call for cultural transformation. Just as a tree thrives not by hoarding resources but by sharing its shade with others, we can find fulfilment not in what we possess but in how we engage with the world around us. By embracing the mode of being, we open ourselves to genuine experiences that nurture our souls and enrich our lives—transforming us from mere consumers into active participants in the tapestry of life. At Rudder4Life, we encourage young adults to invest in who they are instead of what they own.
Erich Fromm’s timeless wisdom invites us to pause, breathe, and ask ourselves: Am I living to have more or to be more?
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