Imagine you’re driving down the N1 when suddenly your car starts pulling to the left. You could ignore it and struggle with the steering wheel every day, or you could take it to a mechanic who lifts the vehicle and discovers the real problem—a bent axle from a pothole you hit months ago. That pothole didn’t make your car worthless; it just explains why the journey has been so difficult.
This is what understanding Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can do for your life!
What Are ACEs?
ACEs are like hidden potholes on the road of childhood, damaging experiences that leave lasting marks on our development. The term refers to specific types of adversity children face in their home environment during adolescence. Think of them as the original wounds that might still be bleeding in your adult life, even if you can’t see them.
These experiences fall into three main categories, much like the three-legged potjie stand that needs all its legs to be stable:
- Abuse includes physical harm (being hit, slapped, or grabbed), emotional abuse (being sworn at, insulted, or humiliated), and sexual abuse. In South African townships and suburbs alike, these experiences cut across all economic lines, from the child beaten with a sjambok in rural KwaZulu-Natal to the one verbally destroyed at the dinner table in a Sandton home.
- Neglect is like leaving a potted plant without water; the plant might survive, but it won’t flourish. This includes emotional neglect (feeling unloved or unimportant) and physical neglect (not having enough food, wearing dirty clothes, or lacking protection). It’s the child who raises themselves because their parents are working three jobs to make ends meet, or the one whose parents are physically present but emotionally absent.
- Household dysfunction includes experiences such as witnessing domestic violence, having parents who are separated or divorced, living with someone struggling with substance abuse, living with someone who is mentally ill or suicidal, or having a family member in prison. Like a crack in the house’s foundation, these issues impact everyone living under that roof.
Why Do ACEs Matter?
The groundbreaking ACEs study revealed something profound: childhood adversity isn’t just about bad memories; it’s about biology, like how repeated load-shedding damages your appliances over time, repeated childhood trauma damages your developing brain and body.
The research shows a direct correlation: the higher your ACEs score (the number of different adverse experiences you’ve had), the greater your risk of developing physical and mental health problems later in life. It’s like compound interest, but working against you instead of for you.
Think of a young tree trying to grow during a drought. If it survives, it might grow, but its rings will show those difficult years forever. Similarly, children who experience multiple ACEs are more likely to develop:
- Depression and anxiety (like carrying an invisible backpack filled with bricks everywhere you go)
- Heart disease and diabetes (the body keeps score even when the mind tries to forget)
- Substance abuse issues (attempting to medicate wounds that were never properly treated)
- Relationship difficulties (like trying to build a shack on unstable ground; everything feels precarious)
In South Africa, where we carry both personal and collective trauma, from apartheid’s legacy to ongoing violence and poverty, understanding ACEs is crucial. We’re a nation still healing from its own adverse experiences, which makes breaking cycles of trauma even more critical.
How Do You Know If You Have ACEs?
The ACEs questionnaire asks ten straightforward questions about your childhood. Each “yes” adds one point to your score. It’s like a checklist for your childhood home’s safety, not to judge your parents, but to understand your starting point.
The questions address whether you experienced:
- Verbal or emotional abuse from caregivers
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional neglect (feeling unloved or unimportant)
- Physical neglect (lack of basic care)
- Parental separation or divorce
- Domestic violence in the home
- Substance abuse in the family
- Mental illness or suicide attempts in the family
- Incarceration of a family member
If you found yourself nodding along to several of these, you’re not alone. In South African communities, whether in informal settlements in the Eastern Cape or middle-class neighbourhoods in Pretoria, ACEs are far more common than we’d like to admit.
How Can You Heal From ACEs?
Here’s the most essential truth: ACEs are not your fault, and they don’t have to be your future.
Think of ACEs like discovering you’ve been driving with the handbrake on your whole life. No wonder everything felt harder—you were working against an invisible force. But once you know, you can release it.
Healing from ACEs is like rehabilitating after an injury. A Springbok player who tears their ACL doesn’t ignore it and hope to play well; they work with physiotherapists, follow a structured recovery plan, and gradually rebuild their strength. Your emotional and psychological recovery deserves the same intentional approach.
Acknowledge the wound. You can’t treat what you don’t acknowledge. Many South Africans were raised with the “just get over it” mentality—but that’s like telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. Your experiences were real, and their impact is valid.
Seek support. Just as a stokvel supports its members financially, you need a support system for emotional healing. This might include:
- Professional therapy (yes, even though it’s still stigmatised in many communities)
- Support groups where you realise you’re not alone
- Trusted friends or family members who can hold space for your story
Use tools and resources. ACEs worksheets and similar resources function like roadmaps for healing—they give structure to the recovery journey. They help you understand your triggers, recognise patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Break the cycle. Perhaps the most potent aspect of understanding ACEs is that knowledge gives you the power to ensure your children don’t inherit your wounds. Like upgrading from a potholed road to a smooth highway, you can create a different path for the next generation.
Moving Forward
Your ACEs score is not a life sentence—it’s a starting point for understanding. Like knowing your blood type or family medical history, it’s information that helps you make better decisions about your health and healing.
In South Africa, we often say “ubuntu”—I am because we are. Your healing isn’t just about you; it ripples out to your family, your community, and future generations. Every person who breaks the cycle of trauma is like someone repairing one pothole on the road—making the journey smoother for everyone who comes after.
Remember: the cracks in your foundation don’t make you broken. They make you someone who understands the importance of solid ground. Your wounds don’t define you—but understanding them can help you write a different ending to your story.
The journey from wounded to healed isn’t quick or easy, but it’s possible. And it starts with naming what happened, understanding its impact, and taking that first brave step toward
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